Crystal Cove Beach, Newport Coast California courtesy of Mat Mahaffey My older brother, sister, and their kids came to town for a visit last week and it was a wonderful time to connect with family and enjoy God's creation at the beach. It was a reminder of how blessed I am to live near such a beautiful place and to have family that loves me. It was also a reminder of how grounding, restorative, and healing connection is - connection with nature, loved ones, and God. Connection with others is...
about 1 month ago • 2 min read
Creating Culturally Responsive Faith Communities A Continuing Education Session with Rev. Tate and Rev. Carolina Fuentes, LCSW What does it actually mean for a congregation to be trauma informed? It's more than a phrase we borrow from the clinical world and tape onto our ministry language. It's a posture — a way of noticing pain, honoring history, and building spaces where people don't have to leave parts of themselves at the door to belong. In our upcoming continuing education session, Rev....
about 2 months ago • 2 min read
RESTORE CLERGY: WHERE CLERGY COME TO BE RESTORED Welcoming the stranger is something we talk about a lot at church. It is deeply embedded in our traditions and theology, yet it is something that can be incredibly challenging. In my work as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC), I often work with people who have experienced trauma. And trauma does a real number on the nervous system. Human beings are "wired" to connect, that's the way God made us, and makes a lot of sense from an...
2 months ago • 2 min read
Do you strive for perfection when good is actually enough? If you do, do you know why is that? There’s no judgment in that statement; rather, curiosity about what drives you to strive for perfection when good is enough? I have perfectionistic tendencies and I have learned through work I've done in therapy and coaching, that when I find myself over analyzing or fixating on getting something just right, those behaviors are likely being fueled by feelings and beliefs of inadequacy. That is my...
3 months ago • 3 min read
The image of the suffering Christ and suffering for one's faith is foundational in many Christian traditions. I consider this concept often in my work: the idea of what is enough suffering to help us grow? I talk to the people I work with about finding their "growth edge" - the limit to push through so you can continue to grow in the ways you want, while also identifying when to stop, or pause for rest. That balance between suffering and relief is important, but it is also important to...
3 months ago • 2 min read
Do you have friends? Like the kind of friends that you can ugly cry in front of or whine about how hard life is and know that they won't judge you the way you judge yourself when that happens? Someone other than you spouse or family? Not that spouses and family aren't important, but sometimes they are biased because they need you to be okay so they can feel okay and that keeps you from feeling truly understood and supported. A friend isn't usually your primary life partner and doesn't rely on...
4 months ago • 2 min read
It's Holy Week and I know...it's a lot. I'm not even in the pulpit and it's a lot for me and our family. All the additional services, on top of the regular weekly duties....it's just...A LOT. These are the weeks when insidious patterns of mediocre self-care, or worse yet, lack there of, wreak havoc not only on the individual, but on those surrounding them. The pressure to perform and push and get it all done takes a lot of capacity and I bet many of you are already running out of that. I...
5 months ago • 1 min read
This testimonial is from one of the recent participants of the Restoration Fellowship that will begin again soon. Warning lights When you own a car, it is important to watch for the so-called “idiot lights.” Those lights that light up the dashboard with warnings such as “headlight out,” “add oil,” or the most terrifying “engine light.” We learn not to ignore when the light comes on. We learn that putting off dealing with a warning light can lead to catastrophic damage to a car’s engine. Yet,...
6 months ago • 5 min read
I have recently been working on developing a boundaries training for the California Pacific Conference of the United Methodist Church and this is a question I've been wrestling with in that process. One of the issues we explore is the responsibility that comes with being a minister and the impact that has on boundaries. I'm sure you have been encouraged to consider that in your interactions with others, especially those in your congregation, but I wonder if you have considered how it might be...
7 months ago • 3 min read