Welcoming the stranger is something we talk about a lot at church. It is deeply embedded in our traditions and theology, yet it is something that can be incredibly challenging.

In my work as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC), I often work with people who have experienced trauma. And trauma does a real number on the nervous system. Human beings are "wired" to connect, that's the way God made us, and makes a lot of sense from an evolutionary perspective. We are so vulnerable as infants, and literally cannot survive without other people to care for all of our basic needs. With that, we have these incredibly complex and highly adaptive connections in our brains that help us connect, even within our mother's womb...Psalm 139 anyone?

With all of that beautiful formation, it is so sad that we struggle so much with connection, but it makes sense if we understand why. We have to feel safe to connect. If you don't feel safe, your system is going to do all sorts of things to prevent you from connecting with others, especially strangers. So this is where the whole "love your neighbor" thing gets really hard and can generate a tremendous amount of guilt, and even shame.

You want to be a faithful Christian and love your neighbor as yourself, but if your nervous system is activated in a defensive way - which can happen with something as simple as a loud noise, flashing lights, certain smell, or deep voice - you have to override your biological response. There are healthy ways to do this that make you more resilient and authentic, and there are unhealthy ways to do this that wear down your body and self trust over time. The latter often leads to mental, physical, and even spiritual health problems, and definitely relational problems.

This is one of the many things that makes being a minister complicated, so if you'd like to learn more, we have a few options coming up this fall to help you build resilience so you can be the minister God called you to be in a sustainable way:

Wellness Insights (1-hour virtual sessions on a particular topic)

August 12 @ 9 am Pacific/ noon Eastern: Creating Culturally Responsive Faith Communities with Rev. Carolina Fuentes, LCSW Rev. Tate hosts Rev. Carolina Fuentes, LCSW in a joint session where Rev. Fuentes will give an overview of how to be a trauma informed congregation including some examples of supporting Latine/Hispanic members and communities. The discussion will offer a place to start in how you cultivate compassion and care within yourself and your community.

November 5, 2026 @ 1 pm Pacific/ 4 pm Eastern: What Happens When Leaders Grieve? with Rev. Dr. Rae Karim. Rev. Tate hosts Rev. Dr. Rae Karim, a creative thought leader and visionary author. A certified grief coach and founder of Good Grief Now! a national 501c3 and full-service grief support organization that helps grievers successfully navigate their grief journey.

Leading From Abundance (5 week virtual group program)

The 5 Tuesdays in September @ 10:30 am Pacific/ 1:30 pm Eastern: A virtual small group with Rev. Tate facilitating.

Lead from a place of strength instead of survival. Leading from Abundance is a 5-week virtual program helping clergy uncover their God-given giftedness, understand how stress shapes their leadership, and build sustainable, Spirit-led practices for the long haul, all with the deeper connection of a small group, from wherever you are. Discover what abundance really looks like and how to cultivate within yourself.