I was having a conversation with a client about the idea of goodness. The word is so simple but it's a pretty complicated concept and highly subjective. Most of us have certain things that make us feel good and things that make us feel bad and we're often adept at making time for the latter and avoiding the former. The tricky part is that sometimes avoiding what makes you feel bad gives those things more power and reinforces the belief that deep down, you're not good and need to be fixed.

Here's an example: Say a person grew up in a family where they were told they were bad and would never amount to anything. Maybe they weren't told that explicitly, but they were ignored, rejected, or criticized too often and it left the imprint of "you're not good enough". This person learned that if they did well in sports, they received praise from others that countered that imprint and it offered momentary relief and a sense of being good. Or maybe that person discovered that they received positive praise because they were physically attractive. Being athletically gifted or attractive became one of their defining characteristics and deeply associated with "good" and it helped them feel like they had value. It helped them form connections, have self confidence, and achieve their goals. If they had a set back, they could always kill it at the gym or dress up and get attention that would sooth the feeling of "not good" buzzing at the back of their mind.

Decades pass and this person's body starts to change. The wear and tear of age and striving to maintain youth starts to negatively impact their experience in relationships, vocation, and self esteem. Because goodness equates to a certain physical appearance or ability, they feel like something is wrong even if they are healthy, have a loving family, meaningful work and enough resources to live a comfortable life. Nothing seems to make a dent in the feeling. They search for a diet, exercise plan, surgery, or supplements, to regain youth and vitality. I'm not saying that any of this is inherently wrong, but if the person is unaware of what is at the root, no amount of dieting, exercising, or surgery is going to convince them that they are good, and enough just as they are.

Our society is saturated with ways to "fix" what often times is not broken. In my view, and in my theology, we are already good. We are already whole. If we are Imago Dei, then we are not broken and do not need to be fixed, but we do have to accept that we are human, finite, and have needs. Those needs don't make us weak; rather, they offer us opportunities us to experience the divine through connection, reflection, and care.

The goal of Restore Clergy is to help you connect with the place within you that knows that Truth, the Truth that you are good, you are enough, and you are called by God to spread that Truth into the world; yet, you are also human, finite, and have real limitations. There are so many things that convince us that something is wrong if we come up against a limitation, that we should strive to be more, do more, achieve more, often in the name of Christ. I invite you to operate from a different belief: We, all of us, are created in the image of God, and we are good. We will make mistakes and even poor choices that hurt others and ourselves, but at our core, we are good. It's a simple belief, but not easy to live into.

If you struggle to believe this, or you do believe it, yet find it hard to live into, I invite you to join us at our next Wellness Insight:

What Happens When Leaders Grieve? co-facilitated by Rev. Dr. Rae Karim on November 5th @ 1pm PT/ 4pm ET. It’s a question that doesn’t get answered often, but we will explore answers through the lens of grief education, faith & grief, as well as the effects of grief within the many layers of a ministry leader’s life.

We will offer more Wellness Insights in 2027, and also offer Leading From Abundance again starting January 12th. The 2027 Restoration Fellowship begins in April 2027. We have reduced the cost of Leading From Abundance to $500 and have already received some grant funding and are actively working to raise more money to reduce the individual cost of the Fellowship. Please don't let cost be the barrier. Just reply to this email and we can meet to see how we can help you flourish in ministry in a sustainable way.

Take Care,

Kinsie

Rev. Kinsie M. Tate, LPCC

Founder and Executive Director

Restore Clergy